Remember back in January when I said I wanted to do a figure competition? And I started eating lots more food? And I worked out hardcore all the time?
And have you noticed how I haven’t been talking about working out much lately? And how I haven’t said anything about a fitness competition in awhile? Ha. I figured it was about time I give an update on all of that.
It all started with a desire to push myself out of my comfort zone, to do something I NEVER thought I could or would ever do. Erik and I had been lifting for awhile and I was discovering that I was stronger than I thought I could be and I could push myself harder than I thought I could, and I loved it.
After announcing to the whole world in January via Lesley Lifting Life that I wanted to do this competition, I was very excited with full intentions of competing. But from the beginning, it also just kind of felt off. I pushed aside those feelings for quite some time because I thought I might just be scared of stepping out of my comfort zone, and also because I knew I had a lot of time to mull around with all of this before I could actually compete anyways. 
A couple things happened in life that kind of made us take a break from lifting (example: moving to a different house and working to get our other house rented out!) and after taking a step back and getting a bird’s eye view of the situation I was able to question my motivations and realized something. I was no longer doing this competition for me but for everyone else and for all the wrong reasons. I no longer needed to prove to myself I was strong or that I could do anything I set my mind to, I already had. After all, I went from benching the 45 lb bar to 135 lbs, what more proof did I need??
I guess the more I got into the whole competition phase, the more I didn’t feel true to who I strive to be. The more I got into it, the more it became all about ME, the more I started comparing myself to everyone else, the more it became about physical appearance and vanity. Thus, my decision to forget about the whole figure competition scene and move on to things I feel are more important.
I definitely appreciate all the work those who do compete put into workouts and meals each and every day but it’s just not me.
I don’t workout nearly as often (in fact, confession, I haven’t even really “worked out” in at least two months), but of course I still love staying active and all things health and fitness : ]
Have you ever said you were going to do something that you decided not to go through with?
Love your honesty and that you were honest with yourself too.
ReplyDeleteGlad you decided to do whats best for YOU! That is what truly matters. I had committed (mentally) last year to doing a half marathon. I trained and even ran the full distance in my neighborhood, but never ended up doing the actual race (for a range of reasons)
ReplyDeleteI am so happy you are realizing that putting your entire self into something when you are not really "there" is just not worth it. It's so much more commendable and truly inspiring to see that you are following what you really feel inside. Thank for you sharing this Lesley. I am always 100% behind you!!
ReplyDeleteGirl, thank you for sharing and being so real on here. I admire your genuineness :-)
ReplyDeleteEver since I've had my blog, it's been a great way to keep myself accountable for things, and share my goals with the world. However, what if I have to go back on a goal? Or change the goal altogether? This was a struggle of mine. "I've said it on the blog, so now I HAVE to do it."
Uh, not so much.
This is my life, and although my blog is definitely a part of it, I'm not living my life to please others, you know? If someone is genuinely disappointed about me changing my mind, then so be it.
The older I've gotten, the more I've realized I have to make decisions to best suit me and the ones I love. When I'm making the best decision, sometimes there might be a bit of disappointment, but ultimately if it's the right thing to do, there will be peace, too.
Way to be true to yourself and what you are really feeling.
ReplyDeletei can totally relate! sometimes i set goals for myself and then realize that i dont even want those things anymore and am just doing/chasing them because i'm afraid it will look like quitting or failing if i stop. you should always do what's best for you...but it can be hard sometimes!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog! I will be following you! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you put this out there. I think people need to see that sometimes it's okay to put your mind to something, only to realize that that's not you, and bowing out or changing your mind is not a bad thing at all when you're doing what is best for you. I have trouble ever really putting my mind to something and deciding to do it because I'm always afraid I'll fail or not follow through or change my mind. But I'm trying to realize that that's NORMAL and it's way better to try something out and realize that it's not for you than to not bother with it at all.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're keeping up with a lifestyle that makes you happy :)
Always a tough decision to make, but one you made for all the right reasons. You set such a great example for being honest with yourself. I've really evolved from the workout mentality and I'm not sure why. I'm still active, running, etc., but I rarely think of them as workouts now, just being active. :)
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