Fruit & Freedom

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent".
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Hello everyone!

This weekend has gone by really fast for me ... ha, I'm still not sure where it went.

I'm just sitting here on a nice Sunday afternoon eating a fresh fruit salad (yum ... it has freshly sliced cantaloupe, strawberries, half of a pear, and blueberries. I was feeling like some leafy greens for some reason so I added a little bit of kale just for fun). Anyways, while I'm eating this, I've been thinking. For reasons I won't exactly get into, this weekend has been kinda tough for me. But it's also made me think and that's a good thing ; )

I've always been a very shy and mostly quiet person. And though I didn't always realize it, I'm very much a people pleaser. I don't ever want to do anything that upsets anyone. It sounds horrible to me for something I do or something I say to make someone upset or disappointed in me. I never want to disappoint anyone even a little bit by anything I do, and if someone's feelings of disappointment are because of me, I feel SO bad. And if someone is doing something they don't necessarily want to do, but they're doing it for me anyways, I feel really bad as well. Along with this, I've always gotten my feelings hurt VERY easily. (Ha, just ask my family and/or my husband!!)

I feel like it's hard to explain because it can affect so many areas of life and how I interact with people. It makes me afraid and self-conscious to do something in front of someone I don't know because I'm afraid the way I do it won't be the way they expect me to do it and then they'll think less of me. Now, when I reason this out in my head I realize none of this is true and my common sense of course tells me it's not true. But those feelings always seem to take over and I listen to the negative voices in my head telling me that I'm not good enough, or that someone else is better so why try, or that everything is my fault, etc etc.

Anyways, all that being said I've realized some things lately ... it's impossible to please everyone and not everyone is always going to like what I do ... and that's okay! I feel like this has hindered me from becoming me and finding what I'm passionate about because I've been so busy trying to make everyone else around me happy and not disappointing anyone. I let people control me by trying to always, always please them and taking words they haven't even meant in a mean way and twisting them all around in my head and beating myself up for something.

Which brings me to the above quote ... "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I love that. Anyways, there's an honest, short synopsis of what I've been thinking about this weekend. I'm becoming more and more conscious of where I let others define me by trying to be who others want me to be. But I feel VERY done doing that. I'm ready to be me! In many aspects with God's help and my husband's help I feel like I'm becoming just that ... and this blog helps because a lot of people I know read it and suddenly, I don't care what they think! (And thanks for reading all you people I know!! ; ) Out of fear, I would normally not want to be so open about anything in my life, even about all the food my husband and I eat, haha, but I'm just done caring and it feels great. I feel like I have, in some ways for the first time in my life, found something (healthy eating, nutrion, etc) that I am passionate about and enjoy doing just because I enjoy it.

It reminds me of a song we just recently starting singing at church called "The Living Tree" written by the worship leader at our church, Eric Stark. Part of it says:

"Let’s live each day on God’s good earth
In the wonder of each new days birth
Let the sun shine hot upon your face
Be fully alive in God’s good grace
Be fully alive in God’s good grace."

That's what I want to do and it's what I'm on the road to doing : ) No matter what, there is always hope in Jesus ... not empty, fleeting or fake hope, but REAL hope for REAL life, for REAL situations. And because of this, despite the rough spots I can truly say that I love this journey of life! : )

This week I plan to freely "live each day on God's good earth in the wonder of each new day's birth. I'll let the sun shine hot upon my face and be fully alive in God's good grace!"

Thanks to everyone who actually read all of this, and may you let the sun shine hot upon your face and be fully alive in God's good grace : )

Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

HAPPY WEEKEND : )

First off, I had my first green monster today and I LOVED it. I've been seeing these all over everyone's blog lately and then my friend, Andrea (who faithfully reads many of our blogs, and will hopefully start a blog of her own soon -- I'll introduce you when she does;) Hi, Andrea!) said she's been making them and I thought ... well I better try one! So, I told Angela at Oh She Glows how I've been seeing them everywhere and she suggested I start out with spinach rather than kale and to definitely use a banana. So I did (it worked well because I didn't have kale at the moment, though I'm sure I still would have loved it with kale because I like kale!).
Come to find out, there was no ice in the ice maker either, so I did my best and used spinach leaves, half a banana, almond milk, and a Truvia packet. I was very pleased and will definitely be making these more often. (Note my cute V-day cute given to me by Lauryl : )So moving on, as I mentioned yesterday, by reading others' posts this week, I've become aware that this week has been National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I've read so many posts of so many of you being so honest about struggles, triumphs, etc that you've gone through and it just made me think a little bit. I always love everyone's honesty and I love this network of girls helping each other out and being a support system! So I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts.

I thought of this song called "Mirror" written by a group called Barlow Girl. I don't really ever listen to them, but I'm familiar with their songs and these lyrics came to mind. I googled them and listened to the song more and I think the lyrics are GREAT. It was actually written by one of them who was overcoming ED. While I haven't personally struggled with ED, and while I don't pretend to understand what anyone has gone through in the past or is going through currently, I think we all have something at least a little in common. Whether we're trying loose weight, trying to gain and get to a healthy weight, or somewhere in between, I think at times us girls can ALL come together and relate to this song.

"Mirror"

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Have I got it?

'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am

I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect
So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me
Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me
And to Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

You don't define me, you don't define me

It might happen every single time we look at the mirror, or maybe it's just once in awhile if we think about it too much, or when we're having a bad day, but I think we all have times when we look in the mirror and we let it tell us who we are by what we see, and let that mirror compare us to others who we think look better. We let it tell us we're not beautiful, we're not worth anything, or fill in the blank. We let it tell us we're ugly and that we're not worthy of love, not good enough, not beautiful enough to be loved. And while we all experience different extremes of this, and how often we feel it, it's there. This longing to feel beautiful, to BE beautiful, to be assured that you're beautiful and to feel strong and courageous about it. We long to be captivating, accepted, to freely and confidently to fully know and be known, and still be beautiful.

So what do we do about this feeling, this longing? At times it's easy to ignore it. Maybe we push it aside with a new outfit, or new hair cut ... or maybe unhealthily obsess over food, our career, school, working out, or whatever. But at the end of the day if you really look, it's might be scary to realize it's still there ... longing to be fulfilled. So here's my personal experience with this longing ... at least in my own life, just as contained in this song, the only way these feelings have ever been fulfilled is to realize that God calls me beautiful, and He defines me! To Him, I have beauty beyond compare. And so do you! Whether you feel it right now or not, you are so beautiful. You might not see it right now, you might not feel it right now, but I pray you can see yourself the way He sees you, the way He made you, the way He defines you. He calls you beautiful, and lovely, and awe-inspiring, and captivating, and wonderful, and worth it, and stunning, and delightful, and pure, and strong, and brave, and confident. And, girl, that's exactly how He made you and that is who you are!

Whatever you may be going through and whatever you may have gone through in the past, or whatever is ahead, I believe you can make it, you can achieve your goals to be healthy. You are strong, you are beautiful, and you can do it. Never, ever, ever give up, and let Him tell you who you are! And if you need to, just go ahead and go say this to your mirror ... !

Sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me
Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you?
Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try,
I won't try.
You don't define me!

And after all that seriousness, I couldn't help but add this picture in light of the topic : )

Sorry for being so lengthy with this post, hopefully no one minds ... and I guess if you do, you probably didn't read it! haha.

And don't forget, Abbie at Foods That Fit is putting together a Blogger Cookbook (she's awesome, isn't she? ... such a great idea!) So check it out if you want to be apart of it and spread the news : )

Have a fabulous weekend ... may it be full of everything good!!! (it's looks like mine might be full of cold weather and snow ... yuck!)

Bad Night, Wonderful Husband, Acai Juice, and Sushi

HAPPY TUESDAY!! : )

It's bright an early before work and I feel MUCH better than last night. As you can tell, I didn't blog yesterday because I worked late and then came home and was crabby all night. Ha, I don't know when it started or what set me off but I'm glad it's over. My poor husband! I was so emotional and extra hormonal and nothing could go right. I tried and tried to get over it and just be normal but it was hard. I could have cried all night for no reason at all. Anyone else ever have bad nights like this?? Thankfully, I have the best husband in the world and he was there for me even though I was being a very emotional girl that was impossible to deal with!Eventually, I just sat down, listened to soothing music, vented in a separate personal blog that I sometimes go to when I need to vent, and prayed. I get so caught up in my routine sometimes I forget to spend time where it's so important and then I have horrible nights like last night. Often times when I'm extra emotional (mostly due to a certain time where girl's typically get extra emotional;), I get really dumpy on myself and start telling myself how bad at everything I am, etc, though I know it's not true (sometimes I need to be reminded). So I vented and prayed and let me tell you, the Lord is good! He is where I find my identity, and with Him everything is ALWAYS going to be all right. He is my anchor, my hope, always there, always strong.

And now that that's all over, a few more V-day weekend highlights ... on Sunday morning we got up and worked our at the Gold's Gym across the street from our hotel. I had a very good workout and it felt good after all the food I at the night before!! Shortly after, I tried this acai juice with blueberry ... Yum! It was super good! My husband got some sushi, and I've never been a big sushi fan, but I'm still open to the idea. I tried his and I actually liked it. And after all that talk about my bad night last night, I've gotta go get ready for work. I still have one more restaurant I want to review from the weekend, so that'll come later : )

HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY!!

Wonderful Wednesday

Hey all, how's it going??? Hopefully your Wednesday has been good/was good. Now that Wednesday is drawing to a close it sure feels like this week has been flying by!

My husband made some more flour less sprouted-grain bread last night, but altered it a little from last time. We're discovering to make it into a "normal" bigger loaf of bread it's going to be quite the process! You're actually supposed to dry out some of the sprouted grains and then grind them into a flour-like consistency, among other things. So, he kind of just took a short cut last night and didn't do all of that and it still tasted really good. But, getting it the way we want it is going to be a process! Meanwhile, the experiments taste pretty good themselves : )

My lunch today consisted of a spinach leaf salad (I like those, if you can't tell!) with some of this chopped up inside of it ... Baked chicken breasts with sliced fuji apples and baby carrots sprinkled with cinnamon. It tasted oh-so-good in my salad!! (I also ate a yummy tangerine). Speaking of tangerines, can anyone explain to me why some tangerines have seeds and others do not??

And random picture my husband snapped of me and Adrian as I was bundling up to face the cold right before work this morning.As every Wednesday night, Erik and I are helpin' with youth group tonight. Being the last Wednesday of the month, (already?!?!) it's small group night, or as we call it "Tribe night" (we're division leaders of the "Central Tribe"). Tonight our topic is:

Romans 12:1-2:

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." -the message Bible-

And that's all for me ... only two days left until the weekend!!! : )

Thanks, Magazines, and More

I'd like to start off this blog by saying thanks to those that are reading it (and especially those of you who have been commenting! : ) I'm still kinda new to this, but when I started blogging I didn't realize how much fun I would have doing it. And thanks for the suggestions and recipes that everyone has given me ... who knew the blogging community would be so helpful and nice! So thanks guys, it's greatly appreciated and so much fun!

Also, thanks to all my facebook friends who have been faithfully reading also ; )

Okay, now back to business ... how's your day been? I was extra tired my last few hours of work for some reason unbeknown to me ... I think staring at a computer screen and typing all day long catches up to me some days or something ... (and yet here I am at home, doing the same thing?? haha.) So, when work finally got over, I came home and ate a toasted piece of cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread with cashew butter ... I LOVE cashew butter!! In fact, I try to stay away from it and limit myself to how often I eat it because it's just too good. I'd say it's definitely my favorite "nut butter" ... anyone else have a say in this? I then remembered to start some more greek yogurt because once again, we're just about out. I have just enough to activate my new batch ... I feels like we go through our yogurt too fast but it's just SO good. Oh, I also got my RealSimple magazine in the mail today and I'm excited to read that ... I get excited when one of my magazines comes in the mail, haha. I curretnly get Real Simple and Women's Health ... there are things I don't like about both of them, but overall, I definitely enjoy reading through them. What's your favorite magazine? (ha, I feel full of questions today!)My post is a little early tonight because we help out with youth group at our church on Wednesday nights ... therefore dinner will not be photographed tonight, haha. Although I do know it will involve one of these ... So as you can guess, dinner will probably consist of either a turkey burger or some type of fish burger (salmon, mahi mahi, or ahi tuna) on an Ezekiel bun. I'm excited to try one of these buns. Typically I either eat burgers on toasted Ezekiel bread or with no bread at all, but we picked some of these up on our latest trip to Whole Foods. I plan to eat some steamed brussels with the burger of my choice ... : ) Then, we'll be off to help with MYC (Millennium Youth Church) at our church. (I'll think I'll need to pray to stay awake, ha, we don't get done until past our bedtime and we've been getting up earlier than we're used to!) And remember ... two more days until the weekend!

My Confession

As is evident, I've sort of recently become very interested in healthy foods, healthy eating, etc. When I was loosing some extra weight I had gained after my husband and I got married I spent a lot of time reading about it, and thinking about it, as before I really hadn't cared about what I ate at all and felt pretty healthy (ha, though I didn't eat as 'healthy' as I thought.)

Then I think I reached that age where you just can no longer eat whatever you want and not gain weight. I'm pretty sure I gained the infamous "freshman fifteen" when I started college, etc, and started to realize if I didn't do something, I'd probably just keep gaining weight. That's when I enlisted help from my certified personal trainer, former bodybuilder, health exercise science major husband who taught me a lot! (and who I still continue to learn from).

Now after having lost the almost 20 pounds I had slowly but surely gained in a year or two's time, I feel great and I find I really enjoy health and nutrition. (Perhaps one of these days I'll post what I did to loose weight and get into shape).

I'm finding great enjoyment in blogging about healthy eating, getting comments on my blog ;), trying new recipes, learning more about nutrition, but lately I've had to remind myself that this is not who I am. It's a great thing, but sometimes with my busy schedule I find my priorities slowly shifting.

I'm glad I've realized how much I enjoy learning about nutrition and about eating healthy and I will continue to pursue it and enjoy it ... and hopefully help others along the way.

But despite it all, this is my confession, my life ... (and since I can't say it better myself, I'll borrow The Apostles Creed) ...

"I believe in God, the Father Almighty,

maker of heaven and earth.

And in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, died and was buried.

He descended into hell.

The third day He rose again from the dead.

He ascended into heaven

and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty.

From thence He will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy Christian Church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting. Amen."

-the apostles creed-

And this is my prayer for this world, for this nation, for every person, for the Church, for my life ...

"Our Father in Heaven,
may your name be kept holy.
May your government come.
May your policy be done,
on earth as it is in the heavens.
Give us today the food we need,
and forgive us our sins,
as we forgive those who sin against us.
Lead us not into times of testing and temptation,
but rescue us from the evil one.
For Thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever.
Amen."

(A Thousand Questions <--- I watched this video earlier. Ever time I watch it, it's just as intense as the first time I saw it and always makes me tear up and think...)

I want to be known for loving and helping. Lord, here am I, send me.